That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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