So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
