Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
