Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
where are you?
Hypothermia
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
