I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We don't watch enough power rangers
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
