I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
