I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
