There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
