I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
