I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
