Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Who died my cat blue again?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize