What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
