im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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