Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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