Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
