so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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