Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
