You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
