she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
