giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
