On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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