I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
