Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
