I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
