I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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