Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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