I can text with my tongue
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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