I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
