Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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