but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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