I'm drive I can fine osifer
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
