I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
