am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
