At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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