took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
