she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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