I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
