Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
whose parrot is this?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
