I love black thongs
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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