just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
