wakey wakey hands off snakey
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
