I'm really into asian looking animals
i think my mom watched the whole time
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Randomize
