i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
