Just mADE A PArabola og urine
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
sex in a hospital.. check
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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