i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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