Are we in a gay sports bar?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
