I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
