mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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