I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
