I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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