He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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