Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
