He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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