Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
