just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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