So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
