Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
