did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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