After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dicks are not precious.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
