Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
