god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
