You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
