he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just had sex on a roof
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize