On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize