LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize