My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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