I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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