So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Of course I have a pirate flag
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
