I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize